Johnathan, Pierre and Richard

Music and dance act, Cabaret.

Jonathan – Bass

Pierre – Dancer

Richard – Stage Sitter

Johnathan, Pierre and Richard formed in 1994 in Ilford, Essex, UK, as an impromptu musical and cabaret stage act. When several billed acts failed to arrive at a local music event for amateur Rock bands, replacement acts were sought. Johnathan, Pierre and Richard were drinking heavily at the venue’s bar, and on hearing the appeals being made for performers, instantly agreed to take part.

At Jonathan’s suggestion, a ‘Music Cabaret’ trio was formed. Jonathan would play a solo improvised melody on a bass guitar, accompanied by a free dance interpretation by Pierre, and an ‘existential sitting performance’ by Richard. By all accounts, their first live performance was a 'drunken disaster' and there was much recrimination from audience members and other acts alike. In subsequent performances, Pierre was often shirtless during his dance routines but would sometimes wear the overalls and trousers uniform of a well-known supermarket chain where he worked early morning shifts. This allowed Pierre to travel directly to work after performances, and saved him the need for any stage attire.

The real names of the members are thought to be Kieran McKenna (Jonathan), Dan Cogan (Pierre) and Stephen Blackett (Richard). All renounced their legal names, citing them as 'New Order fascist labels' and are known to this day only by their stage names.

Owing to an 'admin error', JP&R were signed to Mercury Records in 1995. Four studio albums were recorded before the contract could be legally terminated - Bubular Tells (1995), Boner (1996), Cab for Richard (1996), and Sandwiches (1998). All remain unreleased.

Pierre was known to hate the bass solo numbers he was required to perform his dances to, often citing their whimsical and repetitive melodies as ‘grating on me f*ckin nerves’ and likening them to ‘bargain basement f*ckin advert jingles’. Richard remained seated and motionless throughout performances and maintained a ‘completely expressionless’ countenance that often unsettled, intimidated and frustrated audiences. Sometimes leavIing the stage without warning during musical numbers, Richard caused great embarrassment to Jonathan and Pierre and forced them to ‘improvise’ as a duo during his often lengthy absences. Most notably, at the 1995 Shropshire Poetryfest, Johnathan and Pierre, now bereft of their existential sitter, were forced to play an extended version of ‘Don’t Like, Like, Like, Don’t Like’ to the festival crowd, totalling some 53 minutes, while Richard was apparently sat in a medical tent uttering the word “dwugs” at bemused medical staff.

Pierre was also known to have detested the term “Interpretive Dance” and any instance of it being attributed to his work. After an Evening Standard journalist used this exact description when referring to JPR’s act, Pierre asked a contact at the publication to find out where the journalist lived “or played sport”. On learning that he played football regularly, Pierre turned up unannounced during a game, ran onto the pitch and attacked the journalist with a fencing sword.

The group always actively avoided giving interviews to the media. Any in which they agreed to take part in have, to date, been rare and notable for their lack of co-operation. Richard in particular has proven to be a difficult subject. The only known utterance he has ever made, during a 2003 interview on BBC's Culture Show, in response to the question “What do you draw on during performances?” was “LSD”.

Jonathan attended The Royal Academy of Music in London. Two weeks into studies, he realised he had mistakenly been attending the RA and should have in fact been on a Job Centre mandated “Access to Business Studies” course in Hammersmith. He dropped out of all studies after 2 months. It is not known where he learned to play the bass guitar or why he chose the instrument. “Shut up”, he responded to eminent music critic Mick Wall when asked about the subject. Similarly, when Jools Holland listed to him the names of legendary bass players in music history such as Charles Mingus, Jaco Pastorius, John Entwistle, Stanley Clarke, etc, Jonathan responded with ‘wanka’ to each name.

Pierre worked on construction sites as an unskilled labourer and in various warehouses. He regularly danced in the funeral processions of well-known East-end gangsters.

Richard is not known to have held any positions of employment or had further education of any kind. He is currently the majority shareholder of the PoundWorld chain of stores in the UK.

References[edit]

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