Dolphin parenting
Dolphin parenting is a style of parenting coined by Shimi Kang in her book The Dolphin Way. This style of parenting is called Dolphin Parenting in response to the playful, social and intelligent mannerisms of dolphins. Dolphin parenting focuses on raising children in a balanced style, meaning not too strict while also still having rules, and being supportive but not overprotective. According to Shang, dolphin parenting is based on “maintaining balance in their children’s lives to gently yet authoritatively guide them toward lasting health, happiness, and success”.[1]
Dolphin Parents, also called dolphin moms and dolphin fathers, nurture their children to be intelligent, communicable, creative, be able to think critically and be able to collaborate with others, just as the characteristics of dolphins.These characteristics are called "CQ" by California Mental Health Doctor Shimi Kan.[2] Dolphin parents encourage their children to be independent and creative thinkers while still maintaining rules and expectations.
Causes[edit]
Stress from Hong Kong Education System
Hong Kong is operating under an exam-oriented education system. Undue emphasize are put onto grades and studies. The most notorious policy of the education system is the one-shot Diploma of Secondary Education examination. Given the importance of grades and achievements, parents often force children to attend extracurricular activities and tutorial schools to increase their competitiveness among other students. Hence, Hong Kong children are stressed out under the strict education system. Hong Kong 4,000 primary and secondary school students conducts the survey of stress level held by Hong Kong Federation of Youth Groups (HKFYG), 25% of students have extremely high levels of stress while 40% are anxious about school works and examinations.[3] To get rid of the situation, some of the Hong Kong parents considered to be benevolent and provide an relaxing education environment that can help children to learn without stress.
Characteristics[edit]
Provide “Game Based Learning” for children[edit]
A key aspect of dolphin parenting is a parent being playful with their child. The dolphin parents are keen on establishing a relaxing and playful environment for children. For example, some dolphin parents may hold educational games such as word games, educational songs and videos for children, which they can learn and play at the same time. Therefore, dolphin parents are willing to have a light approach which emphasize playfulness and enjoyment.
Giving support and encouragement to children[edit]
The dolphin parents are open-minded and encouraging. When the children face difficulties, they are willing to guide the children to a right directions and give positive thoughts and emotions in order to ease their mind. By collaborating with children in tackling obstacles during hard times, dolphins can achieve a sense of affiliation and satisfaction.
Benefits[edit]
Through creating strong bonding between parent and the children by dolphin parenting method, children can fitly integrated to the world. In addition, children can benefit in their psychological growth, behavior, personalities as well as interpersonal skills.
This style of parenting is beneficial for children because it allows them to grow and learn on their own. By giving children their own space and not hovering over their every move, children are able to formulate decisions on their own, and learn from those decisions if they make a mistake. This allows children to gain intellectual skills on their own. Dolphin parenting also allows children to develop greater social skills overtime. Dolphin parents allow their kids to have a balance between work and play, and this lets children learn social skills through the time they spend together. Children also gain increased self confidence and self motivation through this type of parenting.
Shimi Kang believes that balance is essential for raising children to find success on all aspects of life. In her book, she says, “A lack of balance is now plaguing the everyday lives of our children. If our children spend too much time being protected, they wont learn how to protect themselves. If our children spend too much time working at a desk and not enough time living in the real world, they wont learn how to balance work and real life in adulthood. If our children spend too much time studying or practicing and not enough time resting and unwinding, they’ll have a hard time being able to relax. If our children are given too much instruction and not enough time to problem solve on their own, they’ll have a hard time facing and solving their own problems. Children who grow up imbalanced wont even know what balance feels like.”[1]
In terms of psychological growth, Educating and guiding children patiently and systematically with proper response will help children form the sense of security and the sense of belonging. It develops a healthy internal drive which is sustainable while internal psychological illness such as anxiety and depression can also be avoided. In addition, parents will respect and give space to children so they can have their own perspective on certain issues. On the one hand they are independent and able to think on their own, but on the other they are not alone. For instance, dolphins will not be pushed to choose a subject they don’t want to study but will be given advice to choose a suitable one. They will have a clear internal drive and high self-motivation for learning. Academic results will also turn out better by such healthy personal growth.
In respect of children’s behavior, By executing restrictions and limits, children are educated to behave responsibly and well disciplined. Neither teaching them what to do or what not to do but telling them what is right nor what is wrong. Thus, the chance of children engage in harmful behavior such as bullying, aggression and drug or alcohol abuse can be reduced.
When talking about their personalities, It was said that this style of parenting generates happier children with better socializing skills, higher self-confidence and creativity level. The formation of self-motivation lead to the creation of self-accomplishment. Since they would be more aggressive in asking question and seeking help during the learning period, children can become a better problem solvers and competitive learners. As dolphin parenting method encourage children dealing with problems independently, therefore self-reliance and the intention to lend helping hand would be higher.
Children’s interpersonal skills would be more mature comparatively, Due to the high self-confidence, children are likely and actively take part in communicating with others by sharing their feelings and thoughts. This could largely strengthen their vibes, emotional adjustment and relationship maintenance among peers.
Dolphin parenting method is not only concern about the relationship between children and parent but also balance children’s all aspects of life so as to thrive the growth of them.
Other Types of Parenting[edit]
Dolphin parenting is also regularly compared to tiger parenting as well as jellyfish parenting. Tiger parenting is a style of parenting invented by Amy Chua and focuses on pushing children through very strict rules to ultimately reach high levels of achievement. Instead of incorporating balance into parenting, tiger parenting follows a harsh regimen and only participates in activities that will further propel their kids academia. On the other side of the spectrum, jellyfish parenting lacks rules and expectations, which allows children to pursue any activities without consequences. Children of jellyfish parenting are more likely to be involved in risky behavior due to their permissive parents and lack of authoritative figures.
Shimi Kang[edit]
Shimi Kang is an award winning, Harvard trained doctor, and author of The Dolphin Way. Kang is the Medical Director for Child and Youth Mental Health for Vancouver community, the founder of the Provincial Youth Concurrent Disorders Program at BC Children’s Hospital, and a Clinical Associate Professor at the University of British Columbia. She is a mother of three and has a passion for promoting health information, which led to her writing her book, The Dolphin Way.[2]
News response[edit]
Times - “A case for Parenting the Dolphin - Not Tiger - Mom way” endorses dolphin parenting style. Canada Huffpost - “ Are you Parenting The Dolphin Way? “ advise parents to evaluate their current parenting method.
US news - “ Raising kids to be smart and happy” provides an idea of how dolphin parenting style nurtures a happier kid.
CTV news - “ Step aside, Tiger Moms; Dolphin parenting a better model, book argues” demonstrates a dolphin parenting case of Dr. Shimi K. Kang
SCMP - “Tiger moms could learn a lesson from sociable, playful ‘dolphin parents’ ” endorses the dolphin parenting style.
NJ advance media - “Poll : Which parent style matches yours’ - The tiger’s or the dolphin’s includes discussion on this topic.
CNN - “ The call of the Dolphin mother”- Interviews Erika who is a dolphin mom.
Daily Mail - “Eat your heart out, tiger mom! Playful dolphin dads make children smarter and happier says top parenting expert” indicates that dolphin parenting should be the correct way of parenting.
London Times - Goodthinking “Why you should be a dolphin parent” points out the specific reasons for being a dolphin parent.
UK The Times - “ Why you should be a Dolphin parent ( and not a Tiger mom)” - Explains the differences between a Tiger and a Dolphin mom.
NY Daily News - “Move over Tiger Mom, meet Dolphin Dad: How a lighter, playful parenting approach helps raise smart, happy kids “ stress that success comes from happiness.
Yahoo Lifestyle - “ Move over Tiger mom, make way for Dolphin dad”- claims that positive encouragement from parents makes successful children.
Further reading[edit]
The dolphin parent - A guide to raising healthy happy and self- motivated kids
by Dr. Shimi K. Kang “This book is a guide to the art and science of inspiring children to develop the internal drive and a lifelong love of learning.” Kang is the medical director for Child and Youth Mental Health for Vancouver and a mother of three
Berl.R. (2013, Aug). Dolphin Parenting: Raising Kids to Be Smart and Happy. Retrieved Nov 4, 2015, from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2013/08/01/dolphin-parenting-raising-kids-to-be-smart-and-happy.
Christakis.E. (2015, Jan). The call of the dolphin mother. Retrieved Nov 2, 2015, from http://edition.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/01/15/christakis.dolphin.mom/.
Kang.S. (2014, May). A Case for Parenting the Dolphin–Not Tiger–Mom Way. Retrieved Nov 4, 2015, from http://time.com/94653/a-case-for-parenting-the-dolphin-not-tiger-mom-way/.
Kang.S. (n.d). What's a 'Dolphin Parent'? Psychiatrist Decodes Parenting Styles. Retrieved Nov 5, 2015, from http://www.parenting.com/parenting-advice/tips-tricks/whats-dolphin-parent-psychiatrist-decodes-parenting-styles.
Kang.S. (2014). The Dolphin way. Retrieved Nov 1, 2015, from http://drshimikang.com/the-dolphin-way/.
McMahon. B. (2013, Sept). Playful parents make for smarter, happier children, according to new research. Retrieved Nov 4, 2015, from http://goodthinkinc.com/project/london-times-why-you-should-be-a-dolphin-parent/
N.J (n.d). “Poll : Which parent style matches yours. Retrieved Nov 8, 2015, from http://www.nj.com/parenting/index.ssf/2013/10/the_newest_parenting_advice_make_like_a_dolphin.htmles-1.1799359.
Pomerance. R. (2013, Aug). Move over Tiger Mom, meet Dolphin Dad: How a lighter, playful parenting approach helps raise smart, happy kids. Retrieved Nov 3, 2015, from http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/parenting-tiger-mom-dolphin-dad-article-1.1415103.
Parry. H. (2013, Oct). Tiger mums could learn a lesson from sociable, playful 'dolphin parents'. Retrieved Oct 28, 2015, from http://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/family-education/article/1341923/tiger-mums-could-learn-lesson-sociable-playful-dolphin.
Smith.S. (2013, Jul). Being a Tiger Mom Sound Too Intense? The Latest "Animal" Parenting Style Is… .Retrieved Nov 5, 2015, from http://www.redbookmag.com/life/mom-kids/news/a15683/dolphin-parents/.
Townsend.C. (2013, Aug). Eat your heart out, Tiger Mom! Playful Dolphin Dads make children smarter AND happier, says top parenting expert. Retrieved Nov 2, 2015, from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2385661/Playful-Dolphin-Dads-make-children-smarter-AND-happier-says-parenting-expert.html.
Tighe. S. (2013, Aug). Move over Tiger Mum, make way for the Dolphin Dad. Retrieved Oct 28, 2015, from https://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/practical-parenting/all-about-parents/a/18431877/move-over-tiger-mum-make-way-for-the-dolphin-dad/.
卢哲. (2014, June). 港媒:育兒何須“虎” 應學做“海豚媽. Retrieved Nov 3, 2015, from http://www.hkcna.hk/content/2014/0603/267901.shtml.
沈帥青. (2014, June). 育兒何須「虎」 學做「海豚媽」. Retrieved Nov 4, 2015, from http://www.hket.com/eti/article/4568c728-64f5-403d-9b34-eb8c3c933ac8-808677
“Dr. Shimi Kang is a Harvard-trained medical doctor with more than 10 years of clinical, research and media experience. Her book, "The Dolphin Way: A Parents Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy and Motivated Kids Without Turning Into a Tiger" was released by Penguin-Random House in the spring of 2014. Kang serves as the clinical associate professor at the University of British Columbia. She is also the medical director of Child and Youth Mental Health for Vancouver Coastal Health. In 2003, Kang founded the Provincial Youth Concurrent Disorders Program at BC Children's Hospital in Vancouver. She also works as a psychiatrist in the Provincial Women's Mental Health Program at BC Women's Hospital.”
References[edit]
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 Kang, Shimi (2014). The Dolphin Way. Penguin Group. Search this book on
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 "http://drshimikang.com/". drshimikang.com. Retrieved 2015-11-04. External link in
|title=(help) - ↑ Cheung, Karen. "Third student suicide in three weeks raises alarm bells over stress levels". Hong Kong Free Press. Retrieved 2015-11-10.
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