List of Squidbillies characters

This is a list of characters on the Adult Swim animated television series, Squidbillies.

The Cuyler family

Early Cuyler

Voiced by Unknown Hinson, Early is the son of Granny and father of Rusty. Early is an illiterate, foul-mouthed, alcoholic ex-convict. He's also quick to anger, often expressing it in violent ways via sawed-off shotgun, knife, or whatever implement is lying around. This is likely so due to the abuse he himself suffered through the hands of his father (and possible incestuous grandfather) GaGa Pee Pap, and his insecurities he developed in prison regarding his masculinity. Early was given the position of CEO—and scapegoat—at Dan Halen Sheetrock, Inc, though he has since been relegated to various lower level positions including product tester. He runs a number of illegal home enterprises including the production of "pine cone liquor", the cultivation and distribution of marijuana, as well as production and sale of methamphetamine. It has been implied several times that he has an incestuous relationship with his sister, Lil (apparently without her consent, as she appears passed out in each instance). It is implied that Early was raped in prison in the episode,"The Big Gay Throwdown". Early is proud of his "hillbilly" lifestyle and enjoys hunting, fishing, "fruggin'" ("frogging," i.e., frog gigging), watching mixed martial arts, drinking "Party Liquor" (a myriad of intoxicating and potentially lethal "beverages"), chewing a squid version of Red Man chewing tobacco (seen at the beginning of each episode), dipping tobacco (inviting Herschel Walker Cuyler to "pull yourself a dip" out of his squid Red Man dipping tobacco can), and watching NASCAR. Early also wears several different trucker hats, each with some form of joke or sexual remark. The hat he is mostly seen wearing is his "Booty Hunter" hat (shown in the highest number of episodes, as well as nearly all promotional material), which appears to serve as his default choice of headwear. He's also commonly seen wearing a "Free Hat Limit 1" hat as well. He loves flying a huge Confederate flag over His house and is seen wearing hats with the flag on it. However, he calls it a racist symbol in "Southern Pride and Prejudice," when Rusty shows him a documentary that reveals that the Confederate soldiers enslaved the squids. This doesn't seem to last, though, as Early is seen in "Greener Pastor" (a later episode) wearing a Confederate flag hat. He is depicted as an enthusiastic Georgia Bulldogs football fan, as are most of the show's characters. He loves riding around in his Truck-Boat-Truck (which consists of a monster truck, hooked to a boat on a trailer, hooked up to another monster truck) and is shown to become emotional if something happens to it (such as it being replaced or stolen). He calls the larger truck in the front "Big Dog" and the other one "the backup." In the episode "Hybrid to Hell," it is revealed that the truck-boat-truck's tow hitches were welded together by Early, that he spits dipspit in the cup holders, that it has a faulty ignition switch, that either he or Rusty barfed brunswick stew all over the backseat, and he uses a coat hanger to pry a cassette of David Allen Coe's greatest hits. Early is shown to be jealous of his son's relationship with Tammi and does his best to try and break them up, but is also shown to find her attractive. He is also not at all deterred by the fact that Tammi is Krystal's daughter and Rusty's half-sister. Early is shown to treat his grandson in much the same abusive way he treats Rusty and even willing to put the blame on baby Randy when Early shoots Rusty while he was drunk in "Gun of a Son". In "Trackwood Race-ist", Early competes against Randy and Rusty in a Trackwood derby and undermines Rusty's relationship with Tammi and his son. However, in "Cephalo-ectomy", Early teaches the now slightly older Randy how to deal with bullies, only for him to be expelled for attacking the bullies with his tentacles, causing Tammi to suggest having his squid parts surgically removed. Rusty, Early, and Granny decide to teach Randy what it means to be a mud squid, with Early teaching the boy in his usual nonsensical manner. However he eventually decides teaching Randy is too much work and gives up on him, causing Rusty to realize that maybe Tammi was right and decides to get the surgery for Randy, but is forced to steal one of Early's trucks off his Truck-Boat-Truck to get enough money to afford the surgery, however it fails due to Randy's ability to regenerate his tentacles. When Rusty reveals he had stolen the truck, Early is shown to be proud of Rusty on principal (as he had acted like a true Cuyler in Early's eyes), despite being upset about his truck. Season 10 episode 7 reveals that Early has the ability to completely change color, as do several species of aquatic squids, to perfectly match his background. Doing so renders him practically invisible, though he forgets that his hat (and a stolen guitar at the time) remain visible and reveal his location. In "The Reenactment of the Repulsion of the Siege on Cuyler Mountain", he revealed that his full name is "Earland Jubal Stonewall Cuyler".

Rusty Cuyler

Voiced by Daniel McDevitt, Rusty Cuyler is the hybrid son of Early and Krystal, grandson of Granny and Ga Ga Pee Pap. He is a dimwitted, childish, backwoods young squid. He seeks his father's approval in nearly everything he does, going out of his way to emulate and impress him. He has a better sense of morals than the rest of his family and will occasionally show compassion. Like his father, he exhibits stereotypical redneck interests and behavior. He is not, however, as naturally violent as his father, and often fails in his attempts to mimic Early's overtly prejudiced and myopic view of the world. Rusty exhibits facial similarities to the stereotypical redneck male: bad teeth, acne, and a mullet. He lost his virginity to his Uncle's wife in "Not Without My Cash Cow". "Russell Jesse James Kenny the Gambler Rogers #3 The Intimidator Dale (uh) Earnhardt Kenny the Gambler Rogers America's #1 Cuyler" is his full government name (Not Without My Cash Cow). In "Keeping It in the Family Way", Rusty begins dating and having a sexual relationship with a human girl named Tammi, causing his father to become jealous and attempt to break them up. However, in the end Rusty finds out that Krystal is Tammi's mother, thus making Tammi his half-sister, however due to their lack of intelligence and their belief that they were "cousins", they continue their sexual relationship (most of the Cuyler clan are implied to be in-bred and incestuous relationships within Rusty's family is not uncommon), which results in Tammi getting pregnant and giving birth to their inbred son, Macho-Man Randy Cuyler in "Rusty and Tammi Sitting in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D". Unlike his father, Rusty is shown to be a far better parent to his own son, though his immaturity and his dysfunctional relationship with Early cause him to at times ignore his son and Tammi, though he does his best to be a good father to Randy. He and Tammi have a somewhat rocky relationship, due to Early's habit of stalking her and her view that Rusty's family is a bad influence on both him and their son. However, in "Ink Is Thicker Than Blood, Which Is Thicker Than Water", Rusty and rest of the Cuyler clan begin to question if Randy really is Rusty's child, believing that Tammi may have been unfaithful (not unlike her and Rusty's mother Krystal). However, when Randy's diaper is removed, it is revealed that Randy is indeed quarter mud squid, as he has tentacles along with his human legs and can spray ink as well. In "Cephalo-ectomy", Rusty learns that his son is being bullied at school for being different due to being part squid and with the help of Early and Granny, try to teach him how to deal with bullies, however Randy is expelled when he attacks some bullies with his tentacles just as Early and Granny had instructed, causing Tammi to suggest that Randy's squid parts be surgically removed. However Rusty wants to accept Randy the way he is and together with Early and Granny, tries to teach Randy how to be a squid, only realize Tammi was right when Early gives up after he finds it is too much work. Rusty agrees to do the surgery, only for Tammi to reveal that the surgery costs more than they can afford. However determined to get the surgery for his son, Rusty (in true Cuyler fashion) decides to steal the back truck from his father's Truck-Boat-Truck and sell it online to get the money for the surgery. However, despite the surgery, Tammi and Rusty discover that Randy tentacles had regenerated after the surgery and both are forced to accept Randy the way he is. Afterwards, Rusty reveals to Early that he stole his truck, which was brought by Deputy Denny. While Early is upset about his truck, he is proud of Rusty for staying true to his roots.

Ruby Jean "Granny" Cuyler

Voiced by Dana Snyder, Granny is an elderly squid, who hangs from a walker, and is the grandmother of Early and Lil; however, season six hints (and season eleven confirms) that she is also in fact be their mother as well, due to an incestuous tryst with Early's father (and Granny's brother, confirmed in season eleven) GaGa Pee Pap. For unexplained reasons, she is purple (in contrast to the rest of the family's green), and has only five tentacles. Granny is a devout Christian and regularly sees visions of "Squid Jesus", though like the rest of her family she does not shy away from violence or foul language. She is a skilled welder as revealed in the episode "Condition: Demolition." Granny is also multilingual, as she is shown speaking Arabic in "America: Why I Love Her" as well as Spanish in "Asses to Ashes, Sluts to Dust". She is prone to becoming confused about her current situation and whereabouts due to her extreme senile dementia. Granny is also a nymphomaniac who propositions most of the series' characters for sex at one point or another. It is also implied that she has an incestuous relationship with Lil (also apparently without consent), and has encouraged Rusty to scratch her genitalia. She suffers from various health problems, including a failing gallbladder, but cannot seem to die (this may be due to her repeated attempts to hit-on Squid Jesus, who at one point was even shown ordering angels to restore her to life just so he wouldn't have to deal with her or her unwanted advances). She is apparently a published author, her book "E Is for Equine" making a brief appearance in episode five of season two. In "Holodeck Redneck", her holographic fantasy she kills herself with a shotgun and is buried in the cemetery. It is also a likely inference from this episode that she too was raised by her grandmother (her "mammy"), implying a family cycle. Granny and GaGa's unnamed father is confirmed to still have been in their lives while Granny was 14, and approved of her marriage to GaGa. While she is usually a target for abuse by Early and is shown to fear him at times (like in "Beware the Butt-Cutter"), she has been known at times to turn the tables on Early.

Lil Cuyler

Voiced by Patricia French, Lil is Granny's granddaughter and Early's sister. Cosmetically challenged, Lil wears Caucasian flesh-colored eye-shadow and extremely long fake finger nails on her tentacles (she also possesses a pair of nipple-less breasts, which Rusty, and viewers as well, assumed was her chin until it was pointed out to him in "Clowny Freaks"). She has dark blue-green colored skin. Her last name is confirmed to be Cuyler in the episode "Mephistopheles Traveled Below to a Southern State Whose Motto is 'Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation'". With a raspy voice often punctuated by a nasty smoker's cough, Lil' is a worn-out and rather jaded squid. She runs an on and off crystal meth and marijuana operation, and is a known user of her own products. It is revealed that cigarette smoke has replaced most of the blood in her veins; and that she also suffers from Hepatitis D. She is frequently seen passed out in her own filth and/or vomit; likely a victim of drug-induced burnout; however the fifth-season premiere shows this to be a ruse, with Lil using her periods of burnout as a decoy to prevent anyone from detecting her underground drug operation, which she dictates through a hole in their home's floor. During the time of her extended unconsciousness, she was married to an ultra-violent (even more than Early), America-hating extraterrestrial character named Lerm who decapitated her seconds after the marriage. She is shown to be having Aqua Blue eyeshadow and a blond wig with curls similar to Hedwig Schmidt from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, which the creators admitted they are huge fans of. She can speak broken Spanish (a skill she uses in her marijuana growing operation). She is also truck stop prostitute (she admitted to being one in the episodes "The Good One" and "Clowny Freaks") and doesn't use protection (claiming her trucker clients don't like to use condoms) which resulted in her giving birth to several children in "The Good One", one of whom Early becomes attached to and later named Herschel Walker Cuyler Them Dawgs Is Hell Don't They (the rest of Herschel's brothers and sisters ended up being raised by Rusty). In "Clowny Freaks", she is also shown to prostitute herself at a child's birthday party (along with Granny) and even provided her services to the local carnival sideshow freaks when the trucker money dried up (it is also indicated by a comment made by Early that this may be another form of income for the Cuyler family, along with their drug operations, and Early's job working for Dan Halen). In "Green and Sober", with help from the Sheriff she gets sober and moves out of the Cuyler home and gets a job supplying ink for the tattoo parlor.

Krystal

Voiced by Mary Kraft, Krystal is Rusty's birth mother, a morbidly obese Caucasian woman who lives her life lying on a filthy junkyard mattress, where she had been deemed a local landmark as "Georgia's first outdoor shut-in" and given "squatter's rights" to the location. She spends most of her time drinking from a re-usable oversized "Sip" convenience store cup and scratching lottery tickets. She has an extremely low and long-winded voice, speaking in a perpetual slur. Her extraordinarily promiscuous lifestyle (including having sex with Charlie Sheen and all of the members of .38 Special) caused problems during her brief marriage to Early. She had a Siamese-twin (who had apparently become trapped in Krystal's fat folds) named Amber Jean (making her Rusty's aunt), but she had her removed (and possibly killed, as the doctor used a katana) in "Krystal, Light". She also has a tramp stamp, a "tribute to our fallen heroes of 9/11", which the tattoo artist confused as being a tribute to the band 311. After being informed of the permanent mistake, she displayed ambivalence apropos of the character. In "Keeping it in the Family Way", she is revealed to be the mother of Rusty's human girlfriend Tammi. In "Rusty and Tammi Sitting in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D", she becomes a grandmother of Rusty and Tammi's inbred son Macho-Man Randy Cuyler.

Tammi

Voiced by Elizabeth Cook and introduced in the sixth season, Tammi is Rusty's girlfriend with whom he had a baby. Tammi is also revealed to be Krystal's daughter, thus making them half-siblings. However, they continue their sexual relationship regardless, mostly due to their lack of intelligence and their belief that they were "cousins." (Most of the Cuyler clan are implied to be in-bred, so incestuous relationships within Rusty's family are not uncommon). She also has a dislike for Early for his attempts to break them up, followed by his murder attempt on her that had him in jail until released about the time she gave birth to Rusty's apparently illegitimate son at the start of the seventh season. But the two quickly broke up as Tammi decided she had to do what was best for the child. While Granny and Early were happy for him, both strictly believe the baby isn't Rusty's as the baby doesn't have any squid traits, until he falls in the lake and starts to swim underwater with tentacles that appear from under his diaper, revealing that he is indeed Rusty's child. She and Rusty eventually get back together, although their relationship is occasionally rocky, mostly due to trouble caused by Early. She is also shown to dislike Early due to his poor treatment of her, Rusty, and their son, which is the source of most of the trouble in her relationship with Rusty. She is also shown to have a low opinion of the Cuyler clan in general, save for Rusty. While she loves her son, she is shown to be willing to have his squid parts surgically removed so he can have a normal life. However, she is forced to accept him as he is when his tentacles regenerate.

Macho-Man Randy Cuyler

Tammi and Rusty's inbred son. Unlike his father he appears as a normal human baby, which causes several to question if he is really Rusty's child, however "Ink is Thicker Than Blood, Which is Thicker Than Water", when his diaper is removed he is revealed to possess a set of tentacles along with his other appendages, proving that he is quarter mud-squid. For the most part, Rusty cares for his son and tries to be a good father to him, while Early is antagonistic towards his grandson and treats him in much the same way as he treats Rusty. Tammi is protective of her son and does her best to encourage Rusty to spend time with him and be a good father to him. In "Cephalo-ectomy", a slightly older Randy is shown to be attending school with the other human children, however he is ostracized because of him being part squid. Early and Granny try to teach Randy how to handle bullies, however Randy is expelled when he attacks the bullies with his tentacles. This causes Tammi to suggest that his squid parts be surgically removed so he can live a normal life, however Rusty and the rest of the Cuyler clan decide to teach him what it means to be a squid. However Early gets frustrated over lack of progress and Rusty comes to believe Tammi was right. However, when he goes to tell Tammi he is okay with the surgery, Tammi reveals that the surgery is too expensive and their insurance won't cover it. Determined to get Randy the surgery, Rusty steals the back truck of Early's Truck-Boat-Truck and sells it online to Deputy Denny. Using the money he got from selling the truck, Rusty pays for the surgery however he and Tammi discover that the surgery failed as Randy's tentacles regenerated. Rusty later reveals to what he had done and though Early is angry about his truck, he is proud of Rusty for behaving like a Cuyler. Early then ropes Rusty and Randy in stealing his truck back from Denny, during which Randy brutally assaults Denny using the methods he had learned earlier from Early and Granny, however he takes it to far and seemingly beats Danny to death.

Ga Ga Pee Pap "12 Gun" Cuyler

Voiced by Jesco White and introduced in the fifth season, is Early's & Lil's father and also be their grandfather; due to an incestuous relationship with Granny, before running off with another woman. His and young Early's relationship is similar to that of Early and Rusty's abusive relationship. Like his son, he is an incompetent criminal, abusive parental figure, womanizer (though with more success than Early), and general nuisance to the citizens of Dougal County. He eventually passes away in "Return of Ga Ga Pee Pap". In "Ga-Ga-Ghost" he returns as a ghost and tries to convince Early to redeem himself or he'll be turned into a ghost before being allowed to cross over. However, the second Early asks him if he wants to do some crimes he immediately forgets his purpose and joins Early in a series of crimes though he is not able to touch physical objects as shown when they hold up a bank and are unable to get the money. This act forces Early to stupidly kill himself to get the money but they still can't get the money. Later Early's body is taken to the hospital and placed on life support when Granny, Lil, and Krystal attempt to kill Early, Rusty intervenes and GaGa compliments Rusty's dedication to his father. He later leaves to cross over into what he believes to be heaven to be with "Red Jesus", only to realize to late that he has actually gone to Hell and that the person he thought was "Red Jesus" is actually Satan. Season eleven later confirms that GaGa and Granny are biological siblings, and were at one point married.

Others

• Derwood (Dan Triandiflou) - Derwood received his GED, then immediately left Dougal County in search of an urban lifestyle. He is married to a blonde Caucasian woman named Fiona and has two children (Parker and Posey) with her. He is embarrassed by his redneck relatives, and wears foundation and clothing to appear more like a human, despite the fact that he's physically built more similarly to an aquatic squid than any of the others. His exact familial status to the Cuylers has never been explained, though he may be Early and Lil's brother. While he detests his family, he is shown to be like them, as he is unemployed (despite the pretense of an accounting job) and is not above defrauding the government for child welfare money. It is also implied that he is a closeted bisexual, as he is seen looking up half-naked woman porn and going in an all-male strip club when he claimed he was going to work and being betrayed by his wife's affair.
• Dr. Bug (Todd Barry) - A large squid who works as a doctor at the local hospital, Dr. Bug is the abandoned son or grandson (the nature his blood relationship to her has been confirmed, but never specified) of Granny Cuyler, but he takes great pains to hide it and to distance himself from the family. Thinking she was on her death bed while hospitalized, Granny tells him that she "never meant to flush him down the toilet" and that he was "always her favorite". Apparently in grudging recognition of this family connection, he then surreptitiously offers to donate his gallbladder to save Granny's life. A similar character named Bug (an acronym for Big Uncle Grandpa) appeared in original pilot scripts.
• Uncle Shannon - Briefly mentioned and appears at the beginning "Webnecks". Was deep-fried by Early while hiding with the rest of the Cuyler clan in a their septic tank (used as a makeshift Y2K fallout shelter) and later eaten by Early and the rest of the Cuyler family. Like Derwood, his last name or the exact nature of his relation to the Cuylers, have not been explained.
• Herschel Walker Cuyler - The infant son of Lil, bearing resemblance to Early, mimicking his actions and attitude (and as a result Early considers Herschel to be his surrogate-son, favoring him over Rusty). He appears in the episode "The Good One". Herschel later abandons an injured Early, and hasn't been seen since aside from occasional background appearances on milk cartons as a missing child. His full name is "Herschel Walker Cuyler Them Dogs Is Hell Don't They." He is named for Georgia's Heisman Trophy winning halfback Herschel Walker

Other Dougal county residents

The Sheriff

Sheriff was originally voiced by Charles Napier for the six episodes of Season One and the first episode of Season Two, but left the show shortly after expressing to showrunners Dave Willis and Jim Fortier his discomfort working on a non-union production. Additionally, Charles Napier died on October 5, 2011 during the show's 6th season. Thereafter, Bobby Ellerbee took over the role. The Sheriff is a friendly, even sweet man. He has a close, amicable relationship with the Cuyler family despite—or perhaps because of—having had to arrest Early repeatedly. Most of his role as Sheriff revolves around protecting the Cuyler family from their own destructive tendencies, as he has a sworn duty to preserve the last specimens of the "Appalachian mud Squid", so that further generations can appreciate "whatever it is they do". He is presented as a chain smoker and in real life, Ellerbee actually is too. Aside from his official duties, The Sheriff seems to really care about Early, going so far as to arrange couple's therapy for himself and his troubled squid friend. From time to time, Sheriff has appeared naked, in a Speedo, in a ballerina dress and in drag.

In episode "Survival of the Dumbest", the Sheriff reveals to Rusty that the Dougal County Sheriff's office is a front for the "Serpents in the Round", a shadow government run by Dan Halen and that The Sheriff is revealed to be one of multiple clones grown in man-stalks (similar to corn or bean stalks) capable of producing a battalion of nicotine-addicted super warriors with marginal strength and hyper-sensitivity to pain (though most resemble the Sheriff, others like Deputy Denny are shown to be stunted and malformed, while another from "Big Gay Throwdown" was shown to be a monstrous fanged brute). After revealing this to Rusty, The Sheriff, realizing he had said too much, tried to use a "mind worm" (his last remaining worm) on Rusty, however Rusty promised not to tell anyone about it, so the Sheriff allowed Rusty to leave without using the mind worm on him (however despite Rusty's promise not to tell, at some point before "Big Gay Throwdown" Early learned the existence of the Sheriff cloning field possibly from Rusty, the Sheriff, and/or one of his replacements.) It was also suggested the Sheriff (voiced by Napier) was not a clone but the genetic template for the rest and was killed by his clone.

In the "Big Gay Throwdown", it is revealed that the acting Sheriff in the episode is a homosexual who was possessed by a homosexual demon. After the demon is removed, The Gay Sheriff decides to move away to another state with a gay man he met at the throwdown (forcing the Cuylers to find a heterosexual replacement from the cloning farm).

The Sheriff being cloned by Dan Halen, is possibly due to him being maimed and killed constantly by the actions of Early and the Cuyler clan (and/or due to Dan Halen's tendency to replace opponents to his authority with a somewhat more obedient clone). They also provide Dan Halen (and Dougal County) with a somewhat cheap (as he may not have to pay them) and expendable police force which he has control over.

The clones are grown in a corn field and during the first season a few of them are shown fighting over the position of the role of Sheriff. In more recent seasons, the normal clones (along with the diminutive clone Deputy Denny) have been shown working as deputies under a main Sheriff. Dan Halen (as well as the people of Dougal County) appear to tolerate this arrangement as it provides him and Dougal County with a larger police force. This also appears to be a historic arrangement, as several Sheriff clones where shown to be working for Dougal county sheriff's office during GaGa Pee Pap Cuyler's crime spree (it is possible that the number of clones actively working for the Dougal county Sheriff's office may have varied over the years).

The Cuylers are fully aware of the existence of the clone farm, but usually pay little attention to it (likely due to ignorance or simply viewing it as one of the facts of life in Dougal County). Due to having known the Sheriff a long time, it is likely Early has become accustomed to The Sheriff being replaced every time he ends up being maimed or killed.

In "Trucked Up", it was revealed that his real name IS Sharif.

In later seasons, the Sheriff's clone background has become largely de-emphasized, if not outright abandoned. Seasons 8 and 9 expand on the Sheriff's formative years: showing him as a child, introducing his father (also a sheriff), and reintroducing his mother (who was first depicted in the episode "Government Brain Voodoo Trouble.")

Deputy Denny

Voiced by Dave Willis, Denny is a clone of the Sheriff (albeit a tiny, malformed clone) that briefly served as the sheriff when the Sheriff asked Dan Halen to stop melting the flesh off the residents of the county during the season 3 episode "Sharif." His first appearance was in the season 2 episode, "A Sober Sunday." He has poor impulse control, a large dent in his head, and was apparently replaced shortly after by another, more physically accurate clone. He has since been seen helping the sheriff with his law enforcement duties, by acting as his deputy. In season 5, he still serves as The Sheriff's main deputy along with several other normal Sheriff clones (basically making the Dougal County Sheriff's Office a police force made entirely of Sheriff clones). In some episodes, Denny is shown to be slightly more intelligent than the Sheriff especially when it comes to detective work such as investigating incidents involving the Cuyler family and is somewhat better at seeing though the Early's lies. In "Beware the Butt-Cutter", Denny deduces that Dan Halen was the Butt-Cutter serial killer despite his efforts to frame Early as the Butt-Cutter, but is stopped from arresting Halen by The Sheriff who reminds Denny that Halen is their boss.

Denny also is known to be a party disc jockey, known by the stage name of "DJ DEN-E" (Season 7 Episode 6).

Dan Halen

Voiced by Todd Hanson, Dan Halen is a small, pear-shaped, knee-less, hedgehog-like business tycoon (appears as a sasquatch) and the main antagonist. He is the incarnation of evil who has lived since the beginning of time, and personally controls almost every aspect of Dougal County (as well as most of Northern Georgia). He is in charge of Dan Halen Sheetrock International, a multinational corporation responsible for sheet rock, "dangerous" (rather than simply unsafe) baby furniture, selling arms to third world countries, several dangerous body sprays (one of which caused painful burning/swelling, another which could dissolve flesh on contact, and another which caused mass hallucination), and various other ventures. His name, hairstyle, and company symbol are direct references to the band Van Halen. He tolerates the presence of the Cuyler family for reasons unknown, frequently involving them in his bizarre moneymaking schemes, and currently employs the grossly incompetent Early as CEO of Dan Halen Int'l for purposes of limiting his own legal liability as a result of his often disastrous and homicidal business ideas. The Cuyler family have, on several occasions, opposed him (at one point even suing him), however despite this he doesn't bother with replacing them or eliminating them (one possible reason is that he views them as too stupid to be of any threat to him). Another reason he tolerates their existence is that their tendency to cause mayhem, disorder, and/or be a general public nuisance to the people of Dougal County, which may serve as a distraction to the local people from Dan Halen's own more dangerous and down right evil schemes and illegal activities. The Cuylers may also serve as convenient scapegoats. He has also from time to time stolen some of Cuylers' money making schemes as well as marketing products the Cuylers have made such as turning their homemade moonshine into the beverage "Glug" (possibly using them as cheap source of ideas for products he can market to the citizens of Dougal County, minorities, and/or people who just as ignorant as the Cuylers themselves). He has also employed the Cuyler family on several occasions as product testers, workers, and test subjects (often having them perform jobs that are dangerous, potentially lethal, and/or a health risk), using them basically as expendable and cheap labor force.

In "Survival of the Dumbest", it is revealed that Dan Halen runs a shadow government called "The Serpents in the Round" and one of its many fronts is the Dougal County Sheriff's office. The Serpents in the Round is also responsible for creating and maintaining of the Sheriff's cloning farm. It can be assumed that Dan Halen controls most of Dougal County via this shadow government.

He controls Dougal County mainly through manipulation. In "Young, Dumb and Full of Gums," Dan Halen whips everyone in Dougal County into a frenzy by telling them Barack "Hussein" Obama is putting "Fluoride" in the water supply to sterilize the town, despite the fact that Fluoride is there to prevent tooth decay). He also appears to have control over the local media as well (possibly the national media as well) as shown in "Gimmicky Magazine Show Spoof Parody About Dan Halen" when a news magazine reporter interviews and profiles Dan Halen. When the female news reporter tries to confront him about his past (such as his involvement with the Nazi Party or in the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ) and the fact that he is the immortal embodiment of evil who has lived since the beginning of time (he is even implied to have caused the extinction of the dinosaurs), he kills her and she is replaced by one of the reporter's several clones (one that is more Dan Halen friendly). In "Pile M for Murder", he is implied to be a demonic being of some kind (briefly growing a lion's tail and horn) and hearing a disembodied voice (voiced by Riley Martin) telling him to build "Mount Murder". He also transforms into a fully demonic ceature after Dougal County's zone board (which consists of Early, Boyd, and the Sheriff) approve Halen's plan, flies off spewing blood and leaving a trail of hellfire in his wake. He has even been seen interacting with Satan.

Despite being one of the more (if not the most) intelligent beings in Dougal County, his plans and business ventures occasionally backfire (like in "Pile M for Murder") like in "Young, Dumb and Full of Gums" when his other business ventures (those relating to products that require chewing) suffered when most of the population of Dougal County (save The Sheriff & Rusty and a few others) lost their teeth due to the lack of fluoride in their drinking water (a direct result of his own actions and inaction). He is also at times shown (despite his intelligence) to be as ignorant as the rest of the population of Dougal County, his ignorance usually revolves around his lack of understanding science (which he refers to as a "cheap whore") and its limitations such as in "Webnecks" it is shown he had been trying to create artificial diamonds (to replace his teeth with diamonds in order to obtain "street cred") by indiscriminately smashing coal (creating nothing but hazardous coal dust), only to be corrected by a self-aware computer that heat & pressure are required to make diamonds. His greed has even led him to being killed by his own cornzu creation in "Mud Dazed and Confused", with the Sheriff, a character who is frequently killed, ironically surviving the entire episode albeit with a corn tattoo on his cheek he was told was temporary. In the episode "Gimmicky Magazine Show", Dan Halen is criticized for his industrial powered hair drier that runs on "clean burning Styrofoam". In "Class of '86", he is shot to death by the Sheriff at their Class reunion, whom Halen has bullied and abused throughout high school and most of his life.

Despite his control of Dougal County and its citizens, several of them (such as The Sheriff, Rusty, Lil, the Doctor, and the Reverend) have questioned both his authority and his plans at various times (usually for reasons involving either morality, public safety/welfare, or logical), however Dan Halen usually manages to convince them they are wrong/mistaken through either some form of trickery or removing (either demoting or killing) them (in the case of the Sheriff and the news reporter from "Gimmicky Magazine Show Spoof Parody About Dan Halen", replacing them with a more obedient clone). He has also had his plans to capture Deep Fried Pine Booby thwarted by an advanced robotic decoy created by a militia of highly intelligent Pine Boobys who left Dan Halen, The Sheriff, Early and Rusty (who came to rescue the decoy they thought was real) tied up in Dan Halen's burning factory.

In "God’s Bro", his elderly wheelchair bound mother is briefly seen as he pushes her into a black hole (claiming it's a rest home) never to be seen again. She is also voiced by Todd Hanson (possessing the same voice as Dan Halen) and only has one line (commenting "It's dark in there," referring to the black hole). His mother is the only member of Dan Halen's family to appear so far.

Reverend

Voiced by Scott Hilley, Reverend is a blue preacher shaped like an obese teardrop and clad in a purple stole vestment. He presides over the church the Cuyler family and the sheriff attend, and also owns the local mattress store where Early was previously employed. He is fearful of the Cuylers, questioning where they fit in "God's plan." He is a figure of religious hypocrisy because of his regular moral crises and occasional submission to temptation. In one episode he didn't get admitted to Heaven (despite the admittance of nearly every other resident of Dougal County) prompting the question of whether he is a true Christian. Another case where he questioned his faith was in "God's Bro", when God's step-brother appears and reveals that he is not their God but his step-brother after God's father got divorced twice, he tried finding an answer in his bible, but after skimming through and finding no answers he fell down and began to wail. Along with his religious hypocrisy, he is also religiously intolerant of things he views as wrong (Harry Potter books & movies, Halloween, scientific experiments, and the selling of liquor on Sundays), though he has been shown to support abortion (when he wanted to destroy squid eggs laid by Rusty via asexual reproduction in "Butt Trouble") and the death penalty when it involved a member of the Cuyler clan (whom he refers to as "Nothing but a bunch of thieving drunks!"). His hatred of the Cuylers may be due to Early's grandfather, Ga Ga Pee Pap's theft of the Reverend's prized Clay Aiken CD box set. This was the Reverend's main reason for supporting his execution (despite the fact Ga Ga Pee Pap had never killed anyone or done anything to deserve the death penalty) in the episode "Dead Squid Walking." When questioned by Rusty over the apparent hypocrisy of his position, he tries to use made up and misquoted biblical texts to justify his position, but gives up when Rusty brings up the commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and angrily reveals his desire for Ga Ga Pee Pap to die for stealing from him. In "Greener Pastor", he was revealed to have been transferred to a different church in a neighboring county and replaced by Kyle Nubbins; this was done after the passing of Scott Hilley in 2015 and the episode was dedicated to his memory.

Others

• Boyd (Pete Smith) - The elderly, bearded clerk of the town convenience store. Early has robbed and shot him on numerous occasions, with Boyd aware the entire time who he is, but is too compliant to stop him. Despite being robbed constantly by Early, Boyd is friendly towards him. In "Crystal, Light" he even suggests Early take all his scratch-off tickets instead of picking only a few tickets to steal. In "Pile M for Murder", he is shown to be a member of the Dougal County zoning board along with Early and The Sheriff. In the "Velvet Messiah", it is revealed Boyd has a wife who he is apparently unable to satisfy anymore. His left hand being shot off is one of the series' running gags.
• Glenn (Dave Willis) - An employee at Dan Halen Industries. He is often assaulted by Early at work or at home. He is very protective of his wife whom Early often stalks and tries to seduce. In "Pile M for Murder" it is shown that he gets along with his boss Dan Halen, even tolerating and supporting Halen's murderous tendencies. In the Adultswim.com exclusive episode "Glenn's Revenge", his character is expanded upon considerably. It's revealed Glenn harbors a rivalry against Early (which escalates to Glenn fantasizing about killing Early), he's not well known around the office (with another employee saying he's met him a dozen times and still doesn't know what his name is), he has a penchant for playing video games and smarting off at ten-year-olds, he watches TV and eats ice cream when he's rejected by his wife (also providing the first front-direct shot of him in the series), he can bore even the amicable Sheriff (providing also the first time the Sheriff has had major interaction with him), he's 41 years old, he had a Space Ghost lunchbox (that his mother said grew legs and ran away).
• Glenn's Wife (Dana Swanson) - Glenn's blonde-haired wife. She has been repeatedly stalked by Early (and even Rusty on one occasion). Though she tells Glenn she isn't interested in Early, at one point as Early and Rusty were leaving her and Glenn's house after having rung their doorbell till it broke, she is heard saying "Call Me." from her window to Early and Rusty (hinting at the possibility she is unfaithful or secretly likes the idea of being stalked). In the episode "Asbestos I Can", Glenn's wife actually gives Early "oral sex" by sucking two of his tentacles, one which may be an unused second penis (see episode "Frivolacious Squidigation"), after Early convinces everyone he is terminally ill. However, in "Greener Pastor", Glenn's wife denies Glenn a "handjob" during a prayer at church service. Glenn's wife has an exact lookalike who is married to a regular background character, first seen in "Take This Job and Love It," and they have been routinely spotted together in multiple episodes, and every season, since. Whether this is yet another example of a Dougal County clone, or a twin sister, or Glenn's-Wife herself living a double life, has never been clarified. Early refers to one of these women as "Donna" in the episode, "Office Politics Trouble." Yet again, whether this character is actually Glenn's Wife, was not clarified.
• Snakeman - A giant snake like creature with a Mullet. He is often depicted devouring townsfolk. He is also one of Krystal's lovers and the two are often seen together in the outhouse next to her mattress. He never talks. He was involved in the three-way with Early and Crystal which led to Rusty's conception (Rusty's hair and skin coloration match that of Snakeman's).
• Ellis (Dave Willis) - A bartender at The Jiggle Hut, a strip club Early frequently goes to. He wears a mesh wife-beater, and has the duty of escorting Early out of The Jiggle Hut on many of Early's appearances there. Ellis on occasion will pole dance in place of the girls during extreme weather events when the girls cannot make it to work (See episode "Snow Daddy"). Ellis is shown to be very aggressive and is one of the few townspeople to physically stand up to Early in his rages, but still is often greatly injured in fighting back.
• Doctor A.K.A. Dr. Donald Cock (Brendon Small) - A doctor who appears to be completely incompetent as such, since he frequently cannot conjure up the correct medical terminology to describe his patients' illnesses or the necessary treatment, and may suffer from a type of mental illness (he acts bizarrely and often says irrelevant things). He also often behaves irrationally, such as dousing himself with gasoline and setting himself aflame for no apparent reason (he was trying to have some common ground with a burned Granny after she chose to get planet-size breast implants), and can be cruel, intentionally or otherwise, to his injured patients (he pokes and tears at Granny's burned flesh while in I.C.U., which gives him much pleasure). He has even once hinted that he may not even a licensed doctor (which is likely given his lack of medical knowledge and questionable practices). In "Crystal, Light", he is even shown to be willing to perform surgical procedures which would easily result in his patient's death, like drilling a hole in the back of Crystal's head so she would lose weight (knowing full well she would die in two weeks from massive organ failure) or gleefully separating Crystal and her Siamese twin Amber Jean with a Katana (which more than likely killed Crystal's twin sister). On a bump before the 7th-season premiere "Rusty and Tammi, Sittin' in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D", He was officially credited and named as Dr. Donald Cock. Like most citizens of Dougal County he occasionally works for Dan Halen, such as in "Wing Nut", when he is employed by Dan Halen Industries to genetically engineers a chicken entirely made of buffalo wings by splicing it with squid DNA from the Cuylers. Despite his behavior and questionable credentials, the Doctor is shown to question Dan Halen's method, ethics, and logic of his plan to genetically engineer such a creature, though ends up going along with it, though draws the line when Dan Halen makes their creation be able to defecate its own to-go-box due to it being scientifically impossible and impractical. In later seasons, he's been shown to be slightly more competent and mentally sound, but an even bigger jackass from before, even going as a far as to goad the Sheriff into checking out a pic of his semi-erect penis under the guise of medical records and helping Dan Halen get a new hairline in "Taint Misbehavin'." It should be noted in the latter that he was also the only one of the townspeople not to be trapped inside the pyramid, presumably as payment for helping Dan Halen out, showing he's not above making deals to protect himself, a far cry from setting himself on fire in early seasons.
• Sheriff's Father - The Sheriff's biological father and former Sheriff of Dougal County. Unlike his son, he is shown to be well-built and competent law enforcement officer. In "A Walk to Dignity", Sheriff's Father attempt to challenge social barriers and end segregation between humans and critters (like the such as the Cuylers) by getting a young Early into school so he might receive an education, only to for Early to quit as soon as he entered the building. In "The Peep", The Sheriff encounters his deceased father in what appears to be heaven after accidentally kills himself using his gun as a microphone while performing his stand-up comedy act. He tries to dissuade his son from becoming a stand-up comedian due to his son "not being funny'. It is revealed that when was alive, he had previously managed to convince his son to go into law enforcement, instead of stand-up comedy due to realizing his son's lack of talent. The Sheriff however fails to heed his father's advice when he returns to life after surviving his gunshot, as he ends up trying to borrow material from another comedian who he happens to be a fan of, though he ends up shooting himself again with his gun when he uses it as a microphone. He meets his father again and reveals his father was right and believes if he gets another chance, he'll be a cop again but his father implies that this time he is dead for good. The Sheriff asks if they will meet God, though his father claims there is no God, which Sheriff at first believes is a joke, though his demeanor implied he was serious.
• Kyle Nubbins (Jason Isbell)- The town's new reverend after The Reverend transferred to a different church in another county who appears in "Greener Pastor". Unlike the Reverend, Pastor Nubbins is a positive and good natured pastor who tries to help Early become a better person even in the face of stiff resistance of Early. He is also shown to be more tolerant and plays the guitar. However even Nubbins' patience reaches its limits after Early steals Nubbins' guitar, following a failed attempt to convince Early to return stolen donation money. Like Ellis, he is one of the few people in town willing to physically stand up to Early, as shown when he attacked Early after he stole his guitar. However he was willing to make a wager after Early suggested it and challenged Early to a faux-Sumo wrestling contest (wearing padded suits) which effectively Early lost. As per their wager, Nubbins got back his guitar and Early was forced to leave town after being dragged away by a medium-size dog. However, when Early promised to return, Nubbins reveals he knows and tells Early he will see him in church, showing that he accepts that dealing with Early is just a fact of life in Dougal County.

Miscellaneous

• Squid Jesus (Fred Armisen) - Squid Jesus appears in visions to Granny and, less frequently, Early. He appears as a floating squid with tentacles bearing signs of the stigmata and a human head matching traditional portrayals of Jesus. He appears to be extremely embarrassed by Granny's fervent dedication to him (and disgusted by her infatuation with him), going so far as to suggest she "consider Satan" as a new savior. He may also be the reason Granny is unable to die, at one point even having her restored to life just so he wouldn't have to deal with her. In the "Velvet Messiah", it is revealed that Granny constantly bores Jesus with her rabblings to the point he steals her glasses just to get away from her. Also despite having the body of a squid he is apparently unaware squid don't have bones (God himself points this out to his son) as he started visiting Granny after she supposedly broke her hip.
• God (Larry Munson) - Squid Jesus' father who unlike his son and enemy Satan, appears in the form of a thundercloud as opposed to a Squid. He has a half-brother who appears in the episode "God's Bro". He first appears in the episodes "Armageddon It On!" and later makes a cameo appearance in the "Velvet Messiah".
• God's Brother - God's step-brother who appears in "God's Bro". He appears in the form of an aging biker (although he initially appears as giant head). He possesses godly powers, yet despite this he is irresponsible and immature. When he was younger. he considered his brother a nerd and would annoy him while creating the universe. It is implied that he is somewhat jealous of his brother. He ends up destroying the world at the end of "God's Bro" saying, "Why won't you love me, dad!"
• Narrator (Dave Willis) - The narrator, who does not appear in every episode, often makes jokes at the family's expense in a manner similar to the narrator in Dukes of Hazard.
• The Devil (Jim Fortier) - A giant squid with a head of fire and talking snakes for tentacles. He has appeared in Granny's visions and taught Rusty and Early to play the guitar in exchange for their immortal souls. Shawn Coleman performs as Satan's singing voice. In "Ga-Ga-Ghost", Ga Ga Pee Pa ghost mistakenly believes him to be Red Jesus when he mistaken believes he is going to heaven, only to realize to late that he is damned to spend eternity in Hell.
• The Horseman of Pestilence (Riley Martin) - One of the Four Horsemen of the apocalypse who briefly appears in "Armageddon It On!". Despite being one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the Cuyler's are not fazed by his presences and at first they think he is part of US Air Force (after Early suggests the horseman is part of a black ops unit called "Air Horse"). He shows his power by releasing a plague of "scorpions with human faces" and turns water into blood, however to his astonishment and disgust the Cuyler's eat the scorpions and drink the blood. Early and Granny are also unimpressed by him and question why he is even one of the Four Horsemen as he doesn't seem to measure up to the other 3 Horsemen (War, Famine, and Death). Insulted the Horsemen leaves but warns to prepare for the end of days.
• The Mexicans - A group of Spanish-speaking men from Mexico that appears in many episodes. They all have identical faces, but different facial hair. Lil' has been shown employing several of them (all in the nude) to work in her pot growing operation.
• Santa Claus (Dave Willis) - The jolly fat man was kidnapped by Early and ruins Christmas. He later appears alive in well at his home in the North Pole in "Armageddon It On!", where he is briefly shown reading the news of the Rapture, causing him to tell the Elves to stop production of all sex toys and is shown to have a love of guns (and may even be a gun smuggler/arms dealer). When the elves are "chosen" he shoots them while claiming they are all his slaves (it has been previously established in "A Rebel with a Claus" that he exploits the elves for free labor).
• The Judge (Ned Hastings) - The judge of Georgia, and was the judge who handled Early's case when was arrested in Atlanta for beating a baseball player. He is a southern judge and dismissed all charges against Early due to defence of "the SumBitch looked at me crossways" because of the show's portrayal of the South as being still very backwards in both legality and social more.
• Legless Drifter - A Legless Drifter who claimed to be actor Patrick Swayze. He appears in the episode "Swayze Crazy" helping The Sheriff remodel the local jail when he is introduced to the Cuylers who are big fans of the movie Roadhouse. However, when the real Patrick Swayze comes to town it would be apparent to almost anyone that the drifter is not Patrick Swayze, except Early, Granny, and the Sheriff (Rusty being the only one who realizes the truth). As a result, the drifter (to Rusty's horror) easily kills the real Patrick Swayze (the Sheriff in typical fashion does nothing to stop it) and is last seen as he steals a pizza delivery man's vehicle while shouting "Free Car, asshole!". However, despite all this Early still believes the man to be Patrick Swayze. In "Plumber Bubba", the Legless Drifter appears in the audience of the Plumber Bubba comedy show (hinting at the possibility he has taken up residence in Dougal County possibly due to the ignorance of the local town folk).
• Plumber Bubba (Dave Willis) - A comedian that Early is a big fan of (a play on Larry the Cable Guy). All of his jokes end with him saying "Do it to it!" He turned out to be an alien named Plu'mer Bu-Ba (from the planet A-la Ba-ma) who disguised himself as a human and he and his Elders came to earth to steal the brains of his supposedly intelligent fans (though it is later revealed that one of the Elders chose the south because he liked the southern food and folk art) in order to use their "intello-secretions" to create weapons capable of destroying all matter and time, leaving behind only Memorial Day Weekend. He died from a lack of "space fluids", an apparently addictive substance which Granny took for herself. Plu'mer Bu-Ba is known for his famous backwoods fighting smack talk of "you testing me? And I'm about to pass, when I whoop that ass!" (See episode "Bubba Trubba").
• Melissa - A news reporter who interviewed Dan Halen. When the interview took a turn unfavorable to Halen, she was killed and replaced with a more accommodating clone. She is one of the few number of people shown to have been cloned by Dan Halen along with The Sheriff. She shares the same design as Glenn's Wife (albeit with brown hair).
• Thunderclap (Mick Foley) - A professional wrestler who Early and Granny found living in seclusion on a nearby mountain. According to him, he left professional wrestling because he accidental tagged his tag team partner too hard, which resulted in him losing his title belt, and his wife divorced him and took custody of their two children. However both Early and Granny point out it was also because he lost every single fight (even listing the names of various wrestlers Thunderclap lost to, which angers Thunderclap who challenges Early. Early is beaten up by Thunderclap (and shoved Granny up his anus), forcing Rusty to fight Thunderclap in a match to reclaim his families honor. Thunderclap is later ripped apart (along with the Sheriff who was acting as ref) by a steroid-enhanced Rusty. Despite this, doctors were able to stitch him back together, however with his head attached to his arm which was attached to his crouch making him unable to intercourse with a woman again. This caused him to seek revenge on Rusty (who was in court over his steroid abuse) with a steel chair, only for the super strong Rusty to throw a desk on top on Thunderclap (likely killing him).
• Billy Morton (Nick Ingkatanuwat) - An armless and legless young boy who is also the captain the local high school football team. His father gave him two, two-by-four wooden boards as replacement legs, and two tree limbs as arms. In the episode "Velvet Messiah", Early, posing as Jesus Christ, attempts to "heal" him by smashing a bottle of Thoughtless Gentleman Brand Drinking Whiskey over his head. In "A Jailhouse Divided (S8E5)", Billy seems to have turned to the dark side when he had to serve a court sentence for "arm robbery".
• Vicki - An old classmate of Sharif and Early's who appears in "Vicki". She a somewhat attractive woman who returns to Dougal County to care for her ailing father and shows an interest in The Sheriff who she refers to by his given name Sharif. Like most women she repulsed by Early's attempts to hit on her. She initially shows a genuine and possibly romantic interest in Sharif, however she is later put off by his misguided attempts to impress her based on poor on dating advice he receives from Early.

See also

• Squidbillies
• List of Squidbillies episodes

External links

• Squidbillies character guide at Adultswim.com

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