Handheld Messiah

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Handheld Messiah
📅 ReleasedNovember 2013
⏳ Length41:25
🏷️ LabelParodudes
🤑 ProducerApologetiX
ApologetiX chronology
Hot Potato Soup
Handheld Messiah
Singles Group

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Handheld Messiah is the 16th studio album & 22nd album overall by Christian parody band ApologetiX. It was released in November 2013. The album, their 1st to compose strictly of parodies recounting the birth of Christ includes 10 new songs, as well as a re-recording of "Virgin" from 1994's Radical History Tour. This is also their 1st album to feature new keyboardist Chris VonBartheld, who replaced Todd Waites.

Track listing[edit]

All parody lyrics written by J. Jackson

  1. "Messiah" - 2:59
    • Parody of "Desire" by U2
  2. "Virgin" - 4:15
    • Parody of "Urgent" by Foreigner
    • Rewritten version of song which originally appeared on Radical History Tour.
  3. "Cut-Rate Hotel" - 2:13
  4. "Child King" - 4:24
    • Parody of "Wild Thing" by Tone-Lōc
  5. "Mary's Got a Son" - 5:23
    • Parody of "Janie's Got a Gun" by Aerosmith
  6. "One Night in Bethlehem" - 3:16
    • Parody of "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head
  7. "Christ in the Stable" - 3:51
    • Parody of "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin
  8. "Excuse Me, Pal, It's Christmastime" - 2:55
    • Parody of "Purple Haze" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience
  9. "Nice Iced Pavement" - 4:18
    • Parody of "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
  10. "Wise Men Still" - 3:03
  11. "We Didn't Start Messiah" - 4:43
    • Parody of "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel


  • Lead vocals: J. Jackson
  • Guitars: Tom Tincha
  • Bass: Keith Haynie
  • Drums & percussion: Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner
  • Keyboards & additional guitars: Bill Hubauer
  • Piano: Chris VonBartheld
  • Backing vocals: J. Jackson, Tom Milnes, Bill Hubauer & Chris VonBartheld

Additional personnel[edit]

  • Saxophone on "Virgin": George Fousek
  • Harmonica & guitars on "Messiah": Tom Milnes


  • Produced by: ApologetiX
  • Engineered by: Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner at Red Apple Audio Workshop in Bethel Park, Pennsylvania
  • Mixed & mastered by: Bill Hubauer

See also[edit]

  • Parody music

External links[edit]

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