Jewish etiquette

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Template:Contains Hebrew text Jewish etiquette (Heb. דרך ארץ - derech ereẓ), though greatly affected by the Jewish dispersion in their respective exiles (Diaspora), is a system of social laws governing the expectations of behavior vis-à-vis one's fellow Jew and/or Gentile, or environment. The Jews of Yemen, as a prototypical case study, have preserved a unique system of etiquette that is well-documented and believed to have been universally practised among all Jews. Jews in ancient times adhered to strict codes of conduct, where custom played an important role in the way they would interact with one another; with an emphasis on decorum (good manners), respect and politeness. Jewish etiquette has maintained its own unique, strict code of customs, mores and manners. In fact, such practices were so widespread that a Jewish dictum is typically cited in its recognition: “Decorum came before the giving of the Law,” meaning, one cannot personify Torah until he demonstrates common courtesy and decorum (derech ereẓ) in everything that he does. In the Talmud and Midrash, there are approximately 200 teachings concerning derech eretz as decent, polite, respectful, thoughtful, and civilized behavior, as well as a Minor Tractate (Derech Ereẓ) specifically treating on these issues. Jewish etiquette can easily be divided into sub-categories: table etiquette, dress etiquette, speech etiquette, writing etiquette, etc.

A collection known as Hilkot Derek Ereẓ existed even in the school of Rabbi Akiva (Berakhot 22a); but, as the term "Hilkot" indicates, it was composed entirely of short sentences and rules of behavior and custom, without any references to Jewish Scripture and tradition.

Origins and peculiar traits

The Talmud names three characteristic traits that are exemplary of the Jewish people as a whole, saying that they are distinguished by being merciful, bashful (shy) and benevolent. Being bashful, or shamefaced, is an essential component in a person's make-up, as it often prevents a person from engaging in misconduct, for fear of being brought to shame. In general, the principle of a shame culture, or the fear of being brought to shame, or of gaining a social stigma resulting in social alienation by his peers, or, in extreme cases, family estrangement if caught being disrespectful or engaging in any misconduct, is the chief factor that keeps a person in line, as is said: "No man who experiences shame will easily sin."

The Jewish Written Torah and Oral Torah comprise the earliest and best preserved ethical code. Adapted to every field of actual day-to-day life for thousands of years, Jewish Halakha is the oldest collective body of religious laws, laws and jurisdictions still in use. These codes sought to bring refinement unto one's character. They define and delineate the difference between conduct and behavior that is malum in se, malum prohibitum, and good practice. Sometimes ethical codes include sections that are meant to give firm rules, but some offer only general guidance, while at other times the words are merely aspirational.

Common greetings

One's manner of speech has always played a major role in Jewish etiquette, a manner of speech that is meant to highlight one's more refined and urbane character traits, and where it is mainly guided by respect, humility and modesty. In some cultures this is known as "beautified speech," or "elegant speech." Ethnographer Shelomo Dov Goitein has noted how the Yemenite Jewish modes of speech are a common heritage of all of Israel, the Jewish nation of old.

• (צפרך טוב = ṣafrakh ṭoḇ), the common greeting said when one greets his neighbor after rising from sleep in the morning, literally meaning, "May your morning be good" (Good morning!). The response to the greeting is (צפרך טוב ומבורך = ṣafrakh ṭoḇ ū-meḇorakh), "May your morning be good and blessed".
• (שלום עליכם = shalom ʿaleikhem), literally meaning, "Peace be unto you," is said whenever a man meets up with his neighbor, whether on a weekday or on a Sabbath day, being the customary words at greeting someone. The expression is always used in the plural tense, even if there was only one man whom he met. The traditional reply given in return is, (עליכם שלום וברכה = shalom ʿaleikhem u'ḇrakhah), meaning, "Unto you may there be peace and a blessing."
• (מרי שלום עליכם = mori, shalom ʿaleikhem), meaning, "Mori (Rabbi), peace be unto you," is said when a man greets his Rabbi. The greeter, in this case, will place the palm of his right hand over his own heart and make a slight bow of courtesy, out of respect for his Rabbi. The Rabbi, in turn, will usually answer him in kind, by responding: (עליכם שלום וברכה = ʿaleikhem shalom u'ḇrakha), "May peace and a blessing be upon you."
• (חייך לפניך = ḥayekha lefanekha), meaning, "Your life is before you!", said whenever a person sees another person studying Torah. The person studying will duly respond by saying, in respect, (כי הוא חייך ואורך ימיך = kī hū ḥayekha we-orekh yamekha), meaning, "For it is your life and the prolonging of your days," an allusion to the biblical verse in Deuteronomy 30:20.

Holiday greetings

• On any of the three major Jewish holidays (Passover, Shavu'ot and Sukkot), the common greeting between a man and his neighbor is to say: (תזכה לשנים רבות ומועדים טובים = "May you be merited with many more years and with good holidays"). The response to the same greeting is: (בחייך ובימיך הטובים = "During your lifetime and in your own good days").
• On the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah), the common blessing said to one's neighbor in greeting him is: (תיכתב בספר החיים ובספר הזיכרון = "May you be inscribed in the Book of Life and in the Book of Remembrance"). The response to the same greeting is: (ואתה תיכתב בספר החיים ובספר הזיכרון = "And may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and in the Book of Remembrance").
• On the night of the Sabbath, the common greeting to one's neighbor is to say: (שבת שלום = shabbat shalom), which has the meaning of "A Sabbath of peace!" The response to the same greeting is: (עליך ועל כל ישראל = ʻalekha we-ʻal kol yisrael), meaning, "Upon you and upon all of Israel."

Euphemisms, nicknames and flowery speech

Typically, religious Jews will not make use of vulgar language. This was seen as essential in adding refinement to one's manner of speech. If, in a conversation, there was a need to mention one's privy place, they would seek the least offensive way of saying so. The vestiges of ancient etiquette have also revealed themselves in their manner of expressions or utterances. In what follows are a few examples:

• If someone needed to mention the virile membrum, he would say for that organ (בְּרִית = bǝrīth), a reference to the "covenant" of circumcision.
• The Yemenite Jew did not call a donkey by its name, but rather gave to it a euphemism, "beast of burden" (נושא אדם = lit. carrier of man). The scribe, Rabbi Zechariah al-Dhahiri (16th-century), coins the phrase "lance" (Heb. רומח) for it. Similarly, we find that the elders who procured a Greek translation of the Hebrew Bible for Ptolemy II gave a euphemism for the donkey, rather than call it by its name. Thus, the Midrash says: "And he put them on a donkey – This is one of eighteen places where the Sages changed [the literal translation] for Ptolemy the king."
• Instead of saying "toilet", which word carries with it certain negative connotations, Jews in Yemen would say, (בֵּית הַכָּבוֹד = bayth ha-koḇodh), being a euphemism for "outhouse" or "toilet facilities," and literally meaning, "the house of glory," so as not to accustom oneself in speaking vulgar words. A word that is more commonly used to denote the same is (בית הכסא = bayth ha-kisei), literally, "house of the stool."
• The word "lewd woman" ("harlot" or "whore") was much too harsh of a word to say, therefore the euphemism (מוכנת = mukhanath) was used for her, literally meaning "she that is ready." In other places, they made use of the word (יצאנית = yeṣ’ānīth) for her, meaning "she that goes out."
• A cemetery or graveyard was not called by its Modern Hebrew expression, bayt ha-keḇorot, but rather by its euphemism, (בית החיים = bayth ha-ḥayyim), meaning, "the house of the living."
• Instead of saying "so-and-so has died," or "he is dead," words that were seen as too harsh to say, they will say "so-and-so has passed-on" or "he passed-on" (הוא עבר = hū ʿaḇar), or what is also in today's Modern Hebrew, (הוא נפטר = hū nifṭar), "he has been dismissed; sent-off [into the other world]."
• Those who wrote letters in Yemen, whenever they came to express their longing for the recipient of the letter, they made note of it with the banal phrase, "I lack naught except to see your dear face." This style of language is a legacy from the Middle-Ages. Rabbi Meir Abulafia (13th-century) writes in a letter to Rabbi Yehuda b. Mattithiah: "And I have nothing new to inform you, the king's daughter is all glorious within, her clothing is of wrought gold; there is naught that she lacks, except to see your face." By this we can see authentic Jewish mannerisms of speech preserved by the Jews of Yemen and which were also discovered in Cairo Geniza fragments. This, too, is a testament to the antiquity that symbolizes the very foundations of their culture.

Language of appeasement

• (חוץ מכבודך = ḥūṣ mikǝḇodakh), or what is a flowery way of saying "I beg your pardon," or "Forgive me [for saying]", is often used in the Hebrew register. Considered a very respectful way of saying to a person that you respectfully disagree with someone's opinion or action, and is usually followed by whatever it is that you disagree with him. It is often used as a preface whenever one wishes to mention a matter that is very sensitive, such as when there is an element in the statement that when heard may be offensive to the listener, and the person speaking does not want to come across as offensive by way of preemptively warning the listener that he is about to say something that is offensive (e.g. toilet; dog; feces; etc.).
• (בעונות = be-ʿawonot), meaning, "On account of [our] iniquities" --- said by the person who has just heard bad news (disaster, destruction, divorce and broken homes, etc.) and by saying so is meant to show regret, on the one hand, yet justify God's judgments and dealings with man, on the other.

Terms of endearment

• In Yemenite Jewish etiquette, a man does not call his spouse by her personal name, but rather coins a term of endearment for that spouse, such as (יַא-הֵי = Ya-He), lit. "O, you!". This was also done out of respect. Its practice was often used by, both, Jewish men and women alike when addressing one another, without mentioning the other's name. A man might also call his wife, Imma (אמא = "mother"), while the woman may call her husband Abba (אבא = "father"). Sometimes a wife would simply call her husband by his family name, such as (יא כהן = "Ya Cohen!"). If her husband was a Rabbi, she would often call her husband by the epithet, (יא מורי = "Ya mori!") (lit. O, Rabbi!). The general rule of practice was that it was always held as improper to call one's spouse by his or her first name. Coining a phrase or nick-name for one's spouse was also meant to instruct children not to call their parents by their first names, out of respect and awe for their parents. In western societies, "honey" and "babe" are commonly used to address one's spouse.

Valedictions and Terms of contritement

Such expressions, mostly used as valedictions in letters of communication before signing one's name, are common with the Jewish nation. The idea behind such words is to show humility, and to always bear in mind the rabbinic admonition: "Be exceedingly lowly in spirit." The most typical of these expressions are as follows:

• (הצעיר = ha-ṣaʿīr), meaning "The Younger", written before signing one's name;
• (סְיָן טִין = siyan ṭīn), Aramaic for "He that is but mire and clay", and what is often only abbreviated in letters (ס"ט). The expression is usually written after signing one's name;
• (הקטן = ha-qaṭan), meaning, "He that is least", and written before signing one's name;
• (שפל מאד = šǝfal mǝʾod), meaning, "A man of very low stature."

Occasionally, the signatories will make use of the abbreviated expression, (יצ"ו = yišmǝro ṣūro wiyoṣǝro), meaning, "May his Rock and Creator preserve him," instead of the typical ending, "He that is but mire and clay."

Intimations and facial expressions

The colloquy used by Yemenite Jews in their every-day speech is rich in various body gestures and nuances, each with an intimation and meaning of its own. Some of them are very old, and their memorial comes up in early literary sources:

• Taking hold of another's right earlobe and flexing it inwards. This movement initiated by an older man towards someone younger, hints at the threat of punishment, and is most commonly found in relations between father and son, hinting at the punishment awaiting him by pinching his ear. The basis for this hand gesture can be traced to the words of Israel's Sages, in Tractate Semaḥot. After a child had gone off and committed suicide because of his fear of being punished, it was declared: "Let no man show to a small child [his displeasure] by holding his ear, but rather spank him immediately, or else let him remain silent, and not say anything to him." Rabbeinu Asher explained: "His father frightened him, by threatening that he would not go unpunished for his mishap, in that he took hold of his ear, in the same way that they beat small children and drag them by their ears." The story, as related there, tells of how two fathers had shown their displeasure towards their sons by holding on to their ears. One had broken a vial on the Sabbath and the other ran away from school. Both boys, being frightened by what they had done, went off and committed suicide by falling into cisterns. Among Yemenite Jews, the practice of bending a child's ear was still prevalent as late as the 20th-century, and called by them in the Yemenite-Arabic dialect "chabzeh."
• Resting the cheeks on the palm of the hand symbolized mourning and sorrow. A person who makes this gesture without realizing it on the Sabbath day or holiday is scorned by his onlookers. The memorial of this action was discovered in the lamentation, Ašer tešeḇ (אשר תשב) composed by Solomon ibn Gabirol. In the lament's introduction, the poet describes a young woman who grieves heavily over the parting of her loved one, as if she had been bereaved of her firstborn son. "She then sighed and put a hand to her cheek, and she was bitter, as those who weep bitterly for their firstborn."

Use of honorifics

• (מורי ורבי = morī we-rebbī), literally meaning, "My lord and my rabbi," the honorific titles commonly given to a rabbi when addressing him. The order may also be reversed, rebbī we-morī. One uses such honorifics when talking directly to one's interlocutor, or even when referring to an unrelated third party in speech.
• The word, (אֲדוֹנִי = adhonī), is used as an honorific title, to show respect to one's elders; literally meaning, "my lord" (in the lower case), was often used when addressing one's grandfather, meaning either, "my grandfather," or in some cases, "my [maternal] uncle".
• (דוד = dod), often used as a title of respect for any elderly man, unrelated to oneself; literally meaning one's "paternal uncle," and used for the same. (דודה = dodah), same as above, meaning "auntie," used as a title of respect for any elderly woman, unrelated to oneself.
• (תלמיד = talmīd), a title which, in Yemen, was applied to any older person who took upon himself to study the more arcane religious topics of ritual slaughter, etc. Today, the word in Modern Hebrew has come to mean any pupil, or "student," even small children.

Common respect for parents, teachers and elders

• A child does not sit in a special chair or seat reserved for one's father. This would apply also to a student; any seat that is used strictly by one's teacher a student will never sit in that seat, even jokingly, as it is seen as a show of disrespect for either one's parent or teacher.

• An elderly man that enters a house or a room is quickly greeted by having all those who are younger and who are present in that house to stand-up on their feet (had they been sitting), until he passes them or sits down in his place. If the man sitting were actually older in age than the person entering, it is not necessary that he stand-up, but often he will nod out of a show of respect.

Conduct in places of worship

• The Jewish custom in Yemen was to take-off one's shoes immediately prior to entering the synagogue, a custom that had been observed by Jews in other places in earlier times, but is now largely obsolete.

• When a man rises up to the reading dais on the Sabbath day, to read from the Torah scroll during the weekly lection, all of his sons, grandchildren and younger brothers in the synagogue remain standing upon their feet, each man in his place, until the reader completes his appointed reading. When he begins to say the final blessing after reading the parasha, they all sit down again. If the person going up to read from the Torah was a talmid hacham (disciple of the Sages), his son-in-laws would also remain standing until he concludes his reading.

Table etiquette

Although tables were not in common use in ancient Israel, as most families gathered to eat while reclining on the floor and eating from a common dish or bowl, still, table manners were seen at that place.

• It is a Jewish custom to wash one's hands in water before eating bread. If the supper was a ceremonial meal with many gathered to eat together, the host who serves them will make rounds, going from guest to guest with a water jug, basin and hand towel, starting with the most distinguished of the quests, so that each can wash his hands without the necessity of having to get up from his place.
• Observant Jews, while eating, will keep communication around the table at a bare minimum, almost maintaining complete silence, in keeping with the rabbinic dictum, "The hour of eating is an hour of warfare," explained as "lest the windpipe precedes the esophagus" (i.e. the intake of food is inadvertently channeled down the windpipe, instead of the gullet, and he chokes thereby). People who converse while eating are more prone to have this happen to them.
• Flatbread, pita bread, bread rolls, slices of bread, etc., no matter how thin, are not held up and placed into the mouth for eating, nor chomped upon. Rather, the refined person while sitting at his supper will break-off a small portion of that slice of bread with his hand, sufficient enough to be consumed at one time in his mouth, and only then will he proceed to eat it. Unlike the custom of Ashkenaz whose practice is to cut the Sabbath Challah with a knife, the Yemenite Jewish custom strictly avoids laying a knife to bread, but breaks the bread with his hands. If a person had bitten off a piece of bread from the sop he held in his hand, without eating it all, the same sop is never returned to the common dish (since, in doing so, he may cause others to be squeamish about eating from that common dish, where the bread which his mouth has bitten into is returned to the common dish).
• If a person happens to enter the house of another while he and his family are eating, it is customary for the householder to invite the guest to eat with them, even if he were not hungry. Normally, the guest politely refuses to dine with them, but if the homeowner insists, and after a show of deep sincerity, the guest is free to acquiesce and to dine with them.
• Whenever a man enters another's house, he never asks to be served food, but waits until he is invited by the householder.
• If a person happens to enter a house and sees its owner dining at a table, but there is only enough food to satisfy the owner himself, even though the owner should invite him to join in his meal, the guest customarily refuses to do so, since the meal is not sufficient for the two of them.
• Those reclining to eat food together are always calm and relaxed, the proper dining etiquette being to chew one's food slowly and in a prolonged manner. Because of this, the quantities of food they consumed were much smaller than what is currently accepted in the Western world. (Formerly, the entire Jewish family would lounge together around a low-lying table, eating usually from a common dish. In Yemenite Jewish dining etiquette, cutlery was not used at the dinner table; each man eating with his fingers and a sop. For this reason, diners took extra care to ensure that their fingernails were cropped and hands clean).
• Diners are careful (for aesthetic reasons) when eating and dipping their sop into a bowl of soup that the tips of their fingers do not touch the soup itself.
• When meat is served at that table and is placed in a common dish, no person puts forth his hand to take a portion of the meat, until the host or master of the house has first done so at that table, and this, too, is done by him only near the conclusion of eating that meal.
• If a man was served a hot drink or cold drink, it is considered gluttonous and rude to guzzle down one's drink in one swooping manner. Rather, for hot drinks he drinks it intermittently, at least in three intermittent gulps; in cold drinks, in at least four.
• If there was a large piece of meat set at that table, no person will take it up and bite a piece from it. Rather, he that takes it will slice away a smaller portion with a knife, or else break a piece off with his hand.
• A rule of practice is never to drink while standing. In Yemenite Jewish culture this is reinforced with the dictum: "No one drinks while standing, except the donkey."
• (תזכו לחיים טובים = tizkū le-ḥayyim toḇīm), literally, "May you be merited with a good life," said whenever a person enters a house a finds his hosts seated and drinking arrack or other alcoholic beverages (whether on a Sabbath day or week-day).
• He that belches after a meal, they say to him: (יהנה בטוב = "Enjoy the good"). The same blessing is also used instead of "Bon Appetit!", or what has now been replaced in Modern Hebrew with: Be-te'aḇon (בתיאבון).
• It is considered uncouth to eat in public places, such as in the marketplace, but rather one eats only in the confines of his own house or in the house of his host. Those who took little regard to this rabbinic stricture and who would eat unabashedly in the marketplace were libeled as incompetent to bear witness in a Jewish court of law, since such people were generally seen as shameless. (Modern-day inns, hotels and restaurants are generally thought not to be under such strictures).
• Common courtesy after one's meal is to include the Birkat ha-Oreaḥ (Heb. ברכת האורח) in the Grace said over the meal. The common expressions used for showing one's gratitude to the host are to say either (תזכו = tizkū), meaning "Be merited," or (ברוכים תהיו = berūkhīm tehiyū), meaning, "May you be blessed," or (לעולם תחיו = leʿolam teḥiyū), meaning "May you live forever."

Inviting guests

• It is considered bad manners if a guest who is invited to dine with a person(s) invites another guest; a guest inviting a guest. The homeowner is entitled to invite as many guests as he pleases, but a guest should never invite another guest, as the host will, in most cases, consider this an imposition.

Personal hygiene and conduct in the toilet

• After relieving one's self in the toilet, it is a well-known Jewish custom to use one's left hand when wiping one's self, while even this too is done with water. The reason being is that the right hand is used for writing the Torah, while water is known to thoroughly cleanse the place.
• Jewish men traditionally urinated in a sitting position. This may have been because Jewish men in Yemen traditionally wore tunics and long, dress-like vestments, and the impracticality of urinating while standing without revealing one's buttocks and privy place. The etiquette of sitting while urinating was reinforced with a local dictum: "No one urinates while standing, except the donkey." The old Jewish practice of sitting while urinating is also alluded to in the Babylonian Talmud (Berakhot 40a). Today, this old etiquette is nearly obsolete because of the western-style trousers with zippers that are worn by Jewish men.
• For reasons of modesty, whenever a person uses the toilet facility, he does not engage in a conversation with any person or people on matters related to Torah, whether those sitting in the Water-Closet (toilet) with him, or those waiting outside. (In former times, when outhouses were removed at a distance from the house, such as in an open field, young women and girls would go out while accompanied with one of their female companions for reasons of personal safety, such as the prevention of mishaps, the one waiting outside the door of the outhouse while the other relieved herself, and these conversing all the while with each other, until the time that they return to their respective places).
• One who undresses in the public bath-house, while he is in the dressing chamber he covers up his naked body with a sheet or a towel, until he reaches the actual place of bathing. So, too, after he concludes his bath, he covers his nakedness in his sheet or towel until he reaches the dressing chamber, where he puts back on his clothes.
• Jewish women that are married will shave their pubic hair, including the hair beneath their armpit.

Dress codes

Clothing, as anchored in Jewish law, is often a sign of one's identity, and plays an important role in preserving a social hierarchy, as well as to distinguish between religious groups, age, gender, and more. For women and girls, in particular, it has the additional function of instilling in them the rule of discipline and the principle of restraint, of modesty and submission to authority.

• Every Jewish man or boy dons a hat (not necessarily a brimmed hat), or else a skull-cap (yarmulke), at all times, except when bathing or sleeping. This is done to show his humility towards heaven. In Yemen, the Jewish custom was for unmarried men and boys to wear a large felt-like hat without a brim and which covered the greater part of their head. The majority of Israel made it an obligation, rather than a "measure of piety," to wear hats or kippot at all times. When a man married, he also wore a habit (now obsolete).
• In Jewish etiquette, Jewish women will not wear any predominantly red colored accoutrement, as it attracts undue attention to themselves. Modesty was the guiding-factor here, and that a woman should not make herself conspicuous to others.

Interpersonal relations

In the language register employed by the Jews of Yemen there are preserved ancient linguistic patterns, especially in the field of blessings and good wishes. These expressions are mostly in Hebrew, since the well-wishers hoped to add some degree of sanctity to their words, for which cause, they drew such words from the vocabulary of their ancestors and repeated them in the holy tongue. The most ancient of these can be found in the corpus of Midrashic literature, while the most recent date back to the period of the Middle-Ages and to the Cairo Geniza fragments. The language of the Torah in Yemenite Jewish communities has not come down to us in the form of "thank you" (Modern Hebrew: תודה), or "thank you very much," but rather, "may you be blessed" (ברוך תהיה = borūkh tehiyeh), or "may he be blessed," or "may they be blessed." Such expressions are used in the writings of the Geonim. The Gaon, Rabbi Samuel ben ʿAli, in one of his letters, says about those communities who lend support to the Babylonian academies, "And concerning those communities, may they be blessed."

Rabbi and ethnographer, Jacob Sapir (1822–1886), who visited Yemen's Jewish community in 1859, noted certain expressions in widespread use among the Jews there, and wrote of his impressions on this wise:

• "They are very well accustomed, whenever a man tells his friend [about] his troubles or his aspirations, to reply back unto him in consolation (אהיה אשר אהיה = Eheyeh Asher Eheyeh), literally meaning, "I shall be what I shall be", an allusion to God's ability to affect change), or (אל שדי = El Shaddai), meaning, "God Almighty", while this [expression] does not cease from their mouths... Over every speech or statement made, they will say, (ברוך תהיה = Borūkh tehiyeh!), meaning, "May you be blessed", or the phrase (ברוך אתה לאדוני = Borūkh attah laadhonai), meaning, "Blessed are you unto God", and they are not scrupulous about [infringing upon the commandment that says], Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain."

While Sapir may have thought it was inappropriate or excessive conduct to mention God's name or one of his attributes in greeting, the Yemenite Jews held that the practice was completely valid, based on a teaching in the Talmud (Berakhoth 54a), which says: "They made it an enactment that a man greet his neighbor by employing God's name, etc."

• The expression (בָּרוּךְ תִּהְיֶה = Borūkh tehiyeh), or in the plural form (ברוכים תהיו = Berūkhīm tehiyū), was often said when leaving someone's house in the daytime, or after listening to a certain statement made by one's friend or friends. The reply given in return was: (אתה ברוך אדוני = Attah borūkh adhonai), meaning, "You are blessed of God". Another common expression used when leaving one's neighbor's house is to say, (ואתה ברוך = We-attah borūkh).
• Whenever a person sought forgiveness, the Yemenite custom was not to say, "I'm sorry" (Modern Hebrew: סליחה), but rather, "I beg your forgiveness" (מחילה = meḥīlah), to which plea another reply was given, "you are forgiven" (בִּמְחִיל = bimḥīl), or (אתה במחיל = attah bimḥīl). Here, in fact, this word במחיל, whose form looks strange to the Hebrew reader, is found in the Genizah manuscripts. Shelomo Dov Goitein, a researcher of both Yemenite Jewry and the Cairo Geniza manuscripts, has already made mention of it. Following his examination of these manuscripts, he reached the conclusion that many of the linguistic forms common to the Yemenite Jews can be found in the Geniza fragments.
• (ברוך הבא = Borūkh haba), the traditional words said when welcoming a person into one's house, literally meaning, "Blessed is he that comes" (Welcome!).
• Whenever a person takes leave of his friend at night (such as when he retires to sleep, or leaves his neighbor's house at night), the host says to his departing friend or guest, (תלין בטוב = Talīn bǝṭoḇ) (sing.) or if there were two or more persons, (תלינו בטוב = Talīnū bǝṭoḇ) (plural), literally meaning "rest well." To this, the departing guest replies to his host, (תקיץ ברחמים = Takīṣ bǝraḥamīm) (sing.), meaning, "may you rise in mercy." If the hosts were more than one person, the guest would answer, (תקיצו ברחמים = Takīṣū bǝraḥamīm) (pl.).
• (תזכו = Tizkū), literally, "May you be merited," the common blessing said after a man has shown an act of kindness to him, or has heard of a man's good deeds.
• If a poor man or beggar came to a man's house asking alms, the owner of the house if he had nothing to give to him would not say to him, "I do not have anything to give you," but rather will say: (אדוני יתן לך = Adhonai yitten lekha), meaning, "May God provide for you".
• Charity is always given to a needy person in secret, so as not to embarrass him publicly.
• The use of vulgar language is strongly looked down upon, and censored.
• Displays of public affection between a man and his wife are never shown openly, such as kissing, cuddling or walking hand-in-hand. All such affection is done strictly in private.
• If a Jewish man was ever asked about whether he had cohabited with his wife at night, or whether his wife would immerse in a ritual bath that night (so as to be permitted unto her husband), out of modesty it was customary for him to defer the question to a different topic, without answering the question.
• No one would enter the house of another without due announcement. Typically, one knocks at the door before he enters, even if it were his own house – since by entering suddenly he might find the members of his household improperly dressed, etc.
• If the guest was being escorted by the master of the house, it is customary that when entering the master's house, the master of the house enters first and the guest after him, and when leaving the house the guest leaves first and the master after him.
• Whenever a man is the guest of another man, it is common courtesy to yield to the wish of his host (e.g. when asked to dine with him, or whatever else that is virtuous).

Writing etiquette

Formal writing is a prominent feature in early Jewish letters of communication, in which the opening lines are usually styled in a rhymed, flowery speech, and one that usually praises its recipient. The most common forms of addresses in a letter's opening are:

The Evil eye

The superstitious belief in the affects of the "evil eye" was so pervasive in Yemenite Jewish culture that they would say for a beautiful maiden that she was (בְּלָאָה = belo'oh), literally meaning "rag," rather than say she was a beauty, so that she would not be ill-affected by the evil-eye. The word used here is Arabic, equivalent to the Hebrew סְחָבָה. (The same idea is used in the Scripture when referring to Moses having taken an "Ethiopian woman," and whom Rashi in his commentary on Numbers says, by way of an exegesis, was actually a very beautiful woman.)

See also

• Torah im Derech Eretz
• Shame society
• Etiquette in the Middle East
• Yetzer hara
• Norm (social)

External links

• Minor Tractate: Derech Eretz Rabbah

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