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Bret Ryan

From EverybodyWiki Bios & Wiki

Bret Ryan is a reputable character of the Percy Jackson fandom. As an original character known to many in the fan fiction [1] world, Bret has rapidly gained fame. Bret is a 14 year old boy, known for his extensive knowledge of romance and biological information about human kneecaps. He is written about in over 50 fanfiction stories, implemented by various individual authors.

Early life[edit]

Bret was born at precisely 6:06 AM on February 5, 1997. His parents raised him as a proper gentleman, educating him in various fields, such as collecting eggs from hens, serenading squirrels, and playing the tuba. He grew up in Arkansas and attended Little Rock Elementary School for the Unnaturally and Oddly Peculiar Students. At age 6, Bret was pronounced the 1st place winner of the annual "Corn Month Beauty Pageant," where he overcame the struggles of competing against a horde of teenage girls. By the time he was 8, he won Grand Supreme of more than 12 different contests, then proclaimed to be finished with beauty pageants, because he was, "tired of being treated like an immature runt in a field of beautiful corn."


Bret has endeavored on quests of the strangest kind; he has literally gone where no character has gone before. When he was 9 years old, and first arrived at Camp Halfblood, Bret was abducted by the Oracle, and forced on a quest to retrieve Justin Bieber from his house. When he captured Bieber, he was to sacrifice him to the gods. However, Bret, being the gentleman he was raised to be, refused to do so, and instead brought him to California for a music producer to hear. Instead of saving the world from the plague of Bieber, Bret tortured the world with his never-ending music. Because of this, Bret was punished harshly. He spent a year in the Underworld, working as a busboy for Hades's favorite restaurant: Applebees.

At age 11, when he was released from Hades's grip, Bret fled the immortal world and ventured into the mortal one. He worked as a sheep herder at a Hawaiian farm. He learned various techniques regarding the proper treatment of sheep, including how to properly execute the giving of "SHEEP-P-R" (CPR for sheep). But after only 7 months of work on this sheep farm, Bret came to a realization: he was doing nothing with his life. He left the farm, riding a sheep into the sunset, then used his impeccable good looks to command the city of Honolulu to build him a bridge leading back to the United States mainland. As they did so, he broke into their homes and stole every stick of butter he could find.

Bret used the butter to create a concoction (to which the ingredients must remain unknown), that would destroy every ounce of American vocal talent when spread on the "Badonkadonk" of a sheep. He used his pet sheep, which he named Vladimir, and single-handedly destroyed every American's dream. For this reason, only Bieber and Black remain standing as vocal superstars.

When Bret was 12, he met a girl named Katie Avery. He thought she was a pirate, and tried to poke out her eyes. However, when he discovered her beauty, he asked her out on a date. When she rejected him, he pushed her off a platform in the middle of the ocean and laughed manically when he saw the crocodiles eat her.

Later life[edit]

After Bret's adventures in Hawaii, he walked across the newly built bridge to America. His new, sparkling, personality threatened that of the newly formed character of Edward Cullen. Cullen found out about Bret's transformation, and threatened to destroy his family. Bret knew better than to mess with a sparkly vampire on his own, so he called in his Unicorn brigade for protection. The unicorns channeled the Skittles power of the rainbow to destroy all in their path, and Cullen fell instantly. His sparkle dust was left behind as his kedaver turned to ash.

Bret is currently attending Yale University on a Eggnog scholarship, where he majors in Women's Studies and Platypi Breeding.

Romantic History[edit]

Bret has had very many romantic links in his short life span. The most well known of his courted mates was Roni Perillo, daughter of Medusa and Apollo. They dated for 2 years, but broke it off after he told Roni that he had no tolerance for her badonkadonk.

He has recently made public appearances with a woman known by the name of Lauren Strang. The two have been seen holding hands at the Washington DC, annual Easter Egg roll, but Bret broke off the hand-to-hand contact, when he fought with a young child to obtain the bright blue egg on the White House lawn.

At one point, on a cruise ship in uncharted waters, Bret stepped on his cousin, Chase's toe, and impregnated him with a baby girl. Therefore, Bret is a baby daddy.

Bret was once rumoured to have an affair with a rubber duck, but his publicist denied the claims, stating that the two were just friends.

History of Bret's Badonkadonk[edit]

Bret emerged from the womb, with shiny white buttocks that glistened in the sun. At age four, he slipped while ice skating, and bruised his badonkadonk. This led to a broken tailbone, and he wore a butt-cast for over 3 months. By the time he was 13, his badonkadonk was fully matured and was regarded by most of the female species as "beautiful and curvacious."


External links[edit]

This article "Bret Ryan" is from Wikipedia. The list of its authors can be seen in its historical and/or the page Edithistory:Bret Ryan. Articles copied from Draft Namespace on Wikipedia could be seen on the Draft Namespace of Wikipedia and not main one.